This is my first time I've ever written something like this so comment or suggestion would be greatly appreciated.
I am aspiring writer that likes to venture into a lot of different genre's guro is not really my thing except for cutting and blood XD. If you liked it or would like to request a story email me laharlkun@gmail.com
Miyashita is a slim and sexy long blacked haired 18 year old Japanese girl on her way home
from hanging with her friends at a karaoke hotel.Miyashita"Bye everyone I had a great time
tonight, but I must leave early. My mother and father will ground me for a year if I miss
my lil' brothers birthday tomorrow sleeping in.” everyone smiles and waves to her goodbye
as she leaves. Walking down the dimly lit vacant street she pauses under a nearby light
pole and checks her watch and thinks" Oh man I am going be home really late at this rate.
I better go through the park I should be able to make it home quicker.
I love to sit there and looking at all the flowers. Dashing down the street she rushes to the park. On her way she sees a fertility Shrine and stops to ring its bell.” It’s really foggy tonight I can barely see three steps ahead of me" Miyashita thinks to herself as she begins to slowly walk through the heavy smaze. After she walks a little she sit down on a bench to take a break and looks at a pot of purple, red, and azure flowers.
Suddenly she hears a rustling in the ahead of her shadowy figure emerges. Miyashita squints her eyes trying to make it out but just cannot make out what it is.She gets up and slowly approaches it unaware this would be her last time in the park she loved to sit down to look at the rainbow of flowers and daydream.................and her last moments......of life. She was standing right in front of it now she could see it.........It was a ten foot tall monster. He stared down at Miyashita with ardent yellow eyes....quivering in fear she wanted to run but her legs just would not move.
Miyshita looked up and down studying him......his skin red as a tabasco pepper, claws sharp as knives, and a long jet colored coarse beard. Miyashita then noticed his behemoth of cock had become indurate. He forcibly picked her up swiped his claws across torso and waist shedding her clothes off and cutting into Miyashita's skin......crimson shimmering lines of blood dripping down her voluptuous young beautiful body. He rams his monstrous cock into Miyashita's sweet little mouth her face stricken with terror.
He could barely fit the head into her mouth so he pulled out her small mouth.Grabbing her by the legs he held them apart and pulled Miyashita's little tight virgin
pussy onto his huge cock....he virgin pussy squirting blood all over his cock. Miyashita let out an earsplitting scream as he almost impaled her as he pushed in the last few inches of his cock.
With one he grabbed her around her torso and back cutting deeper into her...........more of her delicious beautiful crimson sliding down her slim young sexy body shimmering in the moons light.Pulling Miyashita up and down his cock he let out pleasure filled demonic moans slightly laughing as she let's out loud pleasure and pain filled moans. He moves his fingers under her arms and rubs her small young supple breast's with his thumbs..........Miyashita lets out more moans in pleasure as her blood and his precum mixed, he slides more easily in and out her tight pussy.
Two gooey slimy tentacle pushed their way out his back, reaching around and under Miyashita.....they entered her hawt smooth tight ass and slide far up they twisted all through out her intestines.....sliding in and out her. Miyashita moans, drools, her face now flushed red and in a heavenly state of ecstasy.She let's out a loud moan, arches her back, her hair flows around like the limbs of the willow feeling like she is in heaven as she cums.........She could tell that he was nearing his own orgasm as he moaned more and more..........his cock throbbing inside her.
He thrust into a few last times and on his final thrust he goes as deep as he can up her and shoots his hot white sticky cum far into her......roaring like lion he moans demonically. His tentacles start moving apart ripping her intestines to shreds.......his tentacle's covered with her beautiful dark red blood.She screams in agony bleeding profusely.......his cum gushed out her as he riped up through her with his huge cock.Miyahita lets out shrieks and groans of terror and pure agony.....with one hand he dig into her and pulls out a large bloody chunk of her torso.
Eating it out of his hand Miyashita's beautiful dark blood smeared all over his face
as he devours her breasts heart and lungs.....scraps of them flying all over the palce while he barbarically feasts on her flesh.His beard now a dark looking red and dripping blood as he snaps off her legs and eats them like legs of a chicken.He snaps her head off and carries by her long black hair into the fog leaving bloody arms and intesines on the now dark crimson blood covered grass.......
The End......MabyeNot bad for your first lemon. I did notice many spelling errors though, along with a few missing words. You should fix the formatting a bit, and get rid of alot of the "..............."s. One big this I noticed was at one point you actually wrote "hawt". Your writing a lemon, not an IM message, say "hot". Aside from this things, pretty decent, keep working on it.
Its better to write a fiction in past tense, -ed instead of -s/-es. I agree with >>2, the "......" need to be removed and replaced with comas. Punctuation needs to be fixed, you're missing a lot of commas, apostrophes, periods and quotation marks, especially periods and quotation marks in her speaking lines.
And with the Miyashita"Bye everyone I had..., it should be more something like *"Bye everyone! I had a great time
tonight, but I must leave early. My mother and father will ground me for a year if I miss my lil' brother's birthday tomorrow from sleeping in." Miyashita said.*