>>15 THINK before you say something.

For what it's worth, I appreciate this as a piece of creative outlet, if not a developed story in any sense. There are some interesting themes which could be developed, or maybe not. Either way, thanks for sharing.

I liked the story. I was entertained and laughed. Frankly, it was better written than some of the pieces on this chan. However, I will admit that it wasn't what one would call 'erotic.'

>>17

I'm with number 17. Rock on.

It's based on an episode of The Twilight Zone where a guy is in a test chamber to see if he could be the only person on a moon rocket for three months without going nuts. However, where that episode was well-acting and interesting, this story sucks balls -- and not in a good way, either.

I agree. Whoever wrote this didn't do a good job.

I thought that having the reflection talk in "esrever" was nifty, but that's about it. Needs a *lot* of work before I'd call it a worthwhile story.

Was Daichi on crack?

Look, can you guys please stop bumping up my story? I'm not proud of writing this either, but I was drunk when i wrote it, OK?!

Ok, I managed to make a revision. So, now here comes Lonely Death: REEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-DUX!



WARNING: Do not read if you have a weak heart or stomach or mind. Or if you like mother/daughter incest, read the part below.

A young woman ran around the abandoned streets of the ghost town.

She was wearing a plain blue dress and low heels. She whimpered in fear and ran faster.

She looked around; her feet clicking on the asphalt. "Oh god, where is everyone?" The girl scanned her eyes for any signs of life.

She ran into shops and peered in for any living soul, but to no avail. "HELLO?! HELLO?!"

'No . . . I can't be alone . . . There has got to be someone here in this town!' She thought wildly.

She ran inside a movie theater; looking to see if any people were in here. She burst inside the theater room.

"Hello? HELLO?! WHERE IS EVERYONE?" She half-sobbed, half-screamed.

She ran everyplace in the theater, hoping for some sort of life form that would give her the time of day.

She was so busy running that she didn't see her reflection running toward her. She slipped and screamed as her reflection did the same.

The girl hurled herself through the mirror. Strangely enough, she came through unharmed.

"? lleh eht tahw" The reflection mumbled to itself. The girl's eyes widened in terror and she screamed in horror.

She grabbed a piece of glass and slit her reflection's arm."TAKE IT!" She screeched.

"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!" She shrieked insanely as she stabbed all over her reflection. “! TI POTS! ESAELP, EROM ON"

The girl threw away her bloody instrument and stared at her reflection. "Ohhhhhhh God!" Her reflection was looking at her with glazed eyes.

She sprinted away and ran toward a window. She screamed as a leering face grinned at her maliciously. "Ohhh nooo! OH, NO! PLEASE NO!" She couldn't take it anymore.

"IF YOU WANT ME, COME AND GET IT!" She looked around and heard dark laughter. She wailed incoherently.

"AAH!" She ripped off her blue dress and ran out onto the streets; nude. She grabbed a pipe and shouted at it, "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCK!" She squeezed her boobs on it and rubbed it.

She threw it against a window and grabbed some glass and stabbed her asshole. "AAH! YAAAH!" She half-wailed, half yelled. She pinched her nipples and yanked on them.

Blood began to seep from her asshole and tits. "NO MORE!" She screamed into the night sky. "STOP IT! STOP MAKING ME DO THIS!!!" She dashed out into the lane.

"HELP ME! ANYONE HELP ME!!" She ran into a pole and banged her groin against it hard. She wailed and lay there on the ground; sobbing uncontrollably. Blood seeped from her cunt.


"Wake up, Elaine . . . WAKE UP!" A woman's deep yet firm voice woke her up.

Elaine immediately awoke and opened her eyes, looking at a blonde in a general's uniform with a miniskirt.

Elaine could see a golden thong under it that said, "Sweet Thang." Alissa glared at her and coughed.

"It's about time you woke up." She growled and snorted.

Reality came rushing back to her now. She was to be tested for the VR chamber, to see if she was capable of living without people and animals.

Elaine was escorted out of the chamber and into Alissa's office. Alissa glared at her. Elaine gulped.

"Gen. Alissa. How did I do?" Elaine blinked. Alissa shook her head sadly.

"I am sorry to tell you this, Elaine, But you failed. You were supposed to endure it for 24 hours, and yet you couldn't even get THAT right."

Elaine widened her eyes in shock. It came back to her now. Her record. She was the worst soldier in the army. "Oh my god . . . " She whispered to herself.

"Please, Gen. Alissa. I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you! I'll do better next time!!" Elaine pleaded uselessly. She knew what was coming.

"There won't be a NEXT time, Elaine!" Her voice was acid like a viper's venom. "I do NOT tolerate failure! I gave you every chance to prove yourself to me that YOU were different from the rest. I guess I was wrong, after all."

Alissa's voice had changed back into a motherly tone. "I'm sorry it has to come to this, Elaine." She pulled out something black and metallic from the drawer.

"I cannot- no, I will not have you compromise the security of the military. Therefore, you must be terminated." Her tone reverted back into its venomous state.

Elaine only let a small whimper. "N-No . . . !" She dashed under the desk and licked Alissa's thong and smelled it. Elaine slid her hands under Alissa's butt and groped it.

Then she slammed Alissa on the desk and ripped off her shirt. Elaine grabbed Alissa's D-cup breasts and licked and sucked them, drinking the breast milk as well.

She ripped off her pants and pulled out her 10' cock. "I WANT IT! I WANT IT NOW!" Elaine shrieked.

Elaine slid it in Alissa's asshole. Alissa grunted as Elaine rammed her cock inside. The soldier looked on, not knowing what to do. Elaine finally came inside as Alissa came at the same time.

Elaine lapped up the cum from Alissa's anus. Alissa had enough of this idiocy.

"ELAINE! THAT WILL BE ENOUGH!" Alissa kicked her away. "I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS FOOLISHNESS!"

Elaine cried and dropped to her knees. "BUT I WANT IT NOW!" She wailed insanely.

"Good-bye, Elaine." BANG! A gunshot rang out. Elaine fell to the floor; lifeless. The soldier came in his pants.

As she fell, she could've sworn that Alissa had tears in her eyes. The soldier stared at Alissa.

"Get her out of here!" Alissa barked at the soldier. As soon Elaine was gone, Alissa broke down into tears.

"Oh, God. Why? Why did you have to fail me, Elaine? You really were different from the other ones; you laughed and cried and smiled and frowned . . . And you had to fail . . . OH GOD!"

Alissa let out a sharp wail and it lasted for a moment. Then she put the gun in her mouth.

"Don't worry, Elaine, my daughter . . . I'm coming to join you." Alissa meeped. "Please, wait for mommy."

A loud bang was heard in Alissa's office and there was a soft thud. Blood seeped through the door, and Alissa was no more.

The end.

Weak...

You knew what, screw this. I'm never coming back here. Again.

Not that bad. Better than those TT farting stories, and like >>17 and >>19 said, you've got some pretty interesting themes in there that have potential for a neat guro story. However, you need to expand them. "TA-DAH ! THE END LOLKTHXBAI" is autofail. The ending has to be a bit blurred : not too much, but enough for the reader to want to rape you and kill you in your sleep for leaving him/her hanging, waiting for a possible sequel, or wondering what actually happened in the end.

Cheer up and keep it up, I'm pretty sure you can show us something good.

PS : If you're going to get lured by trollbait and bite the hook like that, you should indeed keep away from /dis/ (and - to be honest - all text boards) forever. Just remember you're the one writing here ; people posting on your thread mean jack shit if they don't post serious arguments when criticizing your work, they're just idiots who can't write something half as good in most cases.

>She ripped off her pants and pulled out her 10' cock. "I WANT IT! I WANT IT NOW!" Elaine shrieked.

I lol'd.