Ok guys, I've recently told my boyfriend that I'm very into bloodplay, wounds, bruises and the like. So far he's choked me, cut me, bit me until I bled and I've convinced him that slamming my head against a wall is pleasurable to me. We've gone over the fact that I love being the sub sex slave, being 'raped' and so on... but he still won't hit me? I don't know what it is... he just can't find it in himself to hit me. Any advise? Because I've tried everything, and even when he does hit me there's no lasting marks or pain. This is one of the only things that turns me on, and I really want him to understand that I can handle it...
I mean, how can we eventually evolve into burning if he can't simply hit me?
you can't force him to do something he doesn't want.
It's not that he doesn't want to, he does, he's always fantasized about beating a chick, he just can't do it... neither of us really know why. I'm just looking for people that might have had the same problem.
Envy, I've tried hitting him, he's a pansy. XD
& as for the communication thing... He claims that it's like being like his father [who went to jail for raping him, and his 2 older brothers.] We talk about our sex life a lot, new things to try and so-on. He also knows I come on here quite often, too, and seeing as how I'm using my last name he might have already seen the thread, in that case he might bring it up all by himself.
He's trying to please, it's just 'against his morals to hit a girl.' is what he's saying...
I need to find a good argument or summary that will tell him 'it's OK if she wants it' sort of thing.
Basically, he's intentionally being a wimp. I don't know what else to do.
My guess is that he probably doesn't want to hit you, because he loves you or something like that, or maybe he just doesn't want to act like his father did.
Theres a lot of answers to your problem, but it's only he himself that can answer it. Maybe you should just give up, since it's his problem, not yours. You cant force people to do something they don't want to. And as you said, you like to be dominated. Be dominated by his decision and obey him.
I have succeeded. Hopefully for good and not just a one time thing either...
pepper (3:30:30 PM): You have me asking gurochanners for advice. :/
pepper (3:30:36 PM): And they're making sense.
CcM (3:31:27 PM): about what
pepper (3:33:08 PM): One says that I should hit you if you won't. Basically, trying to find out why your mind won't let you hurt me.
pepper (3:33:21 PM): But that's a bit of a stretch.
CcM (3:33:33 PM): i told you why
pepper (3:33:41 PM): Not really.
CcM (3:33:46 PM): itll make me seem like my father
pepper (3:34:24 PM): We've discussed that. It came down to: you're not your father.
pepper (3:34:47 PM): I'm not mad or anything, just curious.
CcM(3:36:06 PM): i know im not my father...but you see my reasoning...i dnt want to be like that...and in my head it feels like if i do that im becoming like him
pepper (3:37:46 PM): If you think you will. But the difference is that I want you to, and I'd tell you if I've had enough. It's all up to you. I won't care either way.
pepper (3:39:21 PM): There's a difference between if you'd hit me and when my dad hits me. I know that you have what's best for me in mind, and want to make me happy. At the same time I don't want to force you to do something that feels wrong.
CcM (3:40:02 PM): ill try it...
pepper (3:40:38 PM): Not if I'm making you do it.
pepper (3:41:03 PM): Then no, you are not going to try it.
CcM (3:41:10 PM): no yur not makin me
pepper(3:41:21 PM): Feels like it.
He went on to tell me that he wants to buy flavored wax candles and gags and such, so I don't know what his problem is. It's everything but the hitting with him...
Anyways, thanks for the advise. :] Cheers.
if a man doesn't want to be like his father, leave him alone. He'll feel better about it. If this relationship is all about you getting off by him hitting you, you are severely screwed up, even for a gurochan...er.
A man's (pansy, in your case) father is supposed to be a special relationship. When a man feels it is betrayed/abused, it is one of the most painful feelings known. It's not something you can just give up. Push him to far... he might hit you out of hatred.
A man.
Monkey see monkey do.
Pay someone else to beat you up and make him watch it. With the he will probably become jealous and desensitised to the act of hurting you. Maybe he would eventually realise that beating you up with his own hands is a more manly thing to do than just watching you get brutalised.
>>8 believe me, it's not. We're engaged for a reason. We've just been trying new things. I do feel like I am forcing him, but he says that's not the case. He wants to, it's just the 'I can't hit a girl,' mindset (as he finally stated. "I just can't hit a harmless girl." was his excuse. I followed this by pinning him in wrestling for the next hour that he tried to get me off the bed in one of our matches.)
And I know. We've both had some bad history with our families.
>>9 Thought about that. Can't take the chance.
Pretty sure I've gotten to the bottom of the case anyways. /thread? I think so.
I must say, I envy your boyfriend. An abuse-loving girlfriend sounds like a dream come true.
With that said, I have to agree with >>9 . Seems like it's the only option at this point.
The other thing is that a lot of what he's already done is "worse" than just hitting you. Maybe if you tell him that, he'll realize that hitting you isn't as bad as the rest and do it.
Heh it isn't weird for us Gurochan lurkers to give fine advice on issues. There's a reason why we are all here; some out of curiosity, but most probably had some sort of issue with themselves or their past. I already came to terms with my issues and I use these boards as an escape.
I'm not going to preach or anything... but if your relationship (sexually) is based on abuse... it would undermine a great deal of feeling if you had someone else beat you for your jollies. I mean... what would happen if you found him beating some other girl?
I don't know. I don't really know anyone who enjoys being beaten.
Well whatever works for you ^^
But, nice that you got him to agree to :) Everyone has mental roadblocks they must over come like he apparently has with the one about becoming like his father because of what happened.
As long as he understands he is not his father, have a blast ;)
>>14 I had to reread this. I'd never do that. I'd never cheat on him.
Has anyone had any experiencing in needles though?
Of course you would never cheat on him...
I was referring to the conversation/line of thought: Monkey see, Monkey do. I was arguing against that because of the great chance, that, no matter how you explain it to him... well... it wouldn't be worth the beating you desire.
Glad to hear it isn't all pain and bruises in bed, though.
Needles don't freak me out but they cause too much 'unpleasant' pain, even anesthesia types. I would recommend not using needles, I have heard horror stories... (you know the kind, one bad needle, then BAM! someone's lost an arm to gangrene)
Normal is a state of mind. You see, I am quite, quite mad, you know.
A man
>I've convinced him that slamming my head against a wall is pleasurable to me.
That seems dangerous, you really shouldn't do that. :(
It's my first post, so bear with me, Pepper. :)
I know that abusive sex, from a male perspective, was difficult for me to deal with. I wasn't a victim of abuse as a child, but I think the majority of the appeal was the fact that it was the polar opposite of everything I'd thought sex was. I was brought up as the only child of a single mom who loved listening to sappy music and watching romantic comedies. So what happened? I was a giant pussy.
Thanks to the internet and my dorm's T1 connection back in the day, I discovered that I was really turned on by rough sex. Even after being a fan of porn where women were slapped, rape simulated, etc... It took YEARS before I was able to become comfortable in the role of an abuser so far from what I'd been brought up to believe men and sex should be like. To this day I press my own boundaries farther with each sexual encounter of the kinky kind.
I've got a sub coming to me who is very fond of being full on punched; in the stomach, the face... she loves it. I've NEVER hit a girl with a closed hand and I know it's a mental barrier that'll take a little time for me to break down. My best advice is to be patient. This is obviously a difficult thing for him to do and you may have to accept that ultimately it's a hard limit for him or something he can only muster on occasion.
Either way, it's healthy that you guys talk about it. One thing might be to highlight all the ways that he is NOT like his father. Instead of focussing on how the wants/needs of the "victim" are different, focus on the vast ways in which he is better than his father and how hitting you will not change who he is. He might still feel the same and it's a difficult line to tread when we want to try things our partner isn't comfortable with. Do you typically use a safeword during scenes like this?
U SICK FUCK :<
XD safewords are a good idea!!!!******
>I've convinced him that slamming my head against a wall is pleasurable to me.
ok, and imagine if something goes wrong and something ruptures inside. Your friend will face extremely serious problems. he may even get in jail for that.
even if nothing serious happens you will be seriously injured and he will be forced to nurse you.
Honestly, that won't stand in court if something bad happens...
I'm with DXX. I don't know the laws of the country you live in, but you should stick to fantasies, especially if you care a tiny bit about your boyfriend and not just yourself.
You're probably thinking very roughly, but what I mean is not like 'bouncing' someone's head. I just mean pushing someone's head into a wall while kissing and... -cough- such. And, not to be done multiple times.
He has his own kinks and hangups that I don't agree to, (whippings, maid service, being submissive himself) but I still pull through. Anyways we've come to an agreement on the hitting. Choking is good enough for me if it bothers him that much.
I'm the sick fuck? Why are you on gurochan then? I accept the fact that I'm sick just fine, thanks.
And I loved your story, thanks for telling me that.
Sounds like she and I have somethings in common, heh.
It's quite an accomplishment that you're even thinking about hitting with a closed hand.
:) ~good luck overcoming that wall!~
Okay, so your boyfriend has a mental block on being violent to you. And likely on being violent in general, too. Everyone here is suggesting that he break the block, which I don't think will work. Mostly because he doesn't want to be able to willingly hurt people.
Instead, why not work around the block? For example, I have no problem beating up a punching bag because I'm not hurting a person. Maybe you can get him to think of it not as hurting you, but as another means of pleasuring you. As long as he can convince himself that hitting you isn't real violence/abuse, he might be able to work around the block without breaking it.
So, any luck yet, Pepper?
To me he is smart to not hit you or leave marks. If he ever does try it, he better tape it to show your willingness. Any man is a fool to trust a woman when she says she wants him to hit her. She can, at any time turn around and accuse him of assult and physical abuse. To me one never knows what is going through a woman's head. Better not to do it than take the risk she will not use it against you. As Sophocles said, "The promises of Woman, I write them on water."
If you're still around Pepper, my suggestion would be to get him used to spanking you hard bare handed on ass and thighs and when he is comfortable he can move his slapping to other parts of your body, your boobs and pussy being the most obvious since they are the "erotic" spots and he might better understand that. Hopefully he could keep on graduating to some closed hand. My 2 cents...
Only guy I played with luckily had no problem hitting women. My personal favorite is to get slapped till I hear bells during a good throat fucking.
>>My personal favorite is to get slapped till I hear bells during a good throat fucking.<<
Wow! And I have a hard enough time just finding a girl who will swallow, let alone that.
>"The promises of Woman, I write them on water."
Last I checked the promises of men aren't much better.
Yeah, but men rarely (if ever) get you arrested on a false rape report. Nor do they delibertly get pregnant to trap you. Even if they say they won't come at you for child support, once faced with the reality of the situation, they often decide to sue you for back support. And then there are the wives who get pregnant by another man and get the courts to force the husband to support a child not his. She basically profits from her infidelity with no legal consequences to her. Nor are they automatically believed if they have a couple of bruises and they decide they don't like you anymore and get you hauled in for physical abuse. Then there are the lolitas who love delibertly ruining men's lives by seducing them, lying about their age, then telling all and getting them sent to prison. The point is, never, ever trust a girl/woman when it comes to sex or consentual abuse. The cards are stacked against you and the risk is too great.
Oh, and no, none of that stuff happened to me, but I have read of a number of such cases.
>>35
I see your point, but it seems rather pessimistic of you to assume that all women are like that, just because of a few cases.
In any case, if the OP's boyfriend is worried about that sort of thing (and it sounds like they're in a committed relationship, so I doubt he is), he could always obtain written consent beforehand.
>>33
That's because most women are sane. It might sound tame to you, but even swallowing can be seen as a disgusting act.
>>38
I wouldn't necessarily call it a question of sanity versus insanity. Everyone has different kinks and squicks, and that's fine.
>>37
Are all women like that? Of course not. But ... if you want to be safe, you MUST assume all women are like that, right or wrong.
And no written consent would likely stand up in court. She can always plead it was done under duress. Even with that and witnesses, I seriously doubt it would stand. If she pressed charges your ass would be hers. Prudent men don't take such chances.
>>38
Well, I disagree that most women are sane, but that's another matter. But I do agree, taking it in the mouth and swallowing is disgusting. I wouldn't willingly let it happen to me (and not because it would be gay). Problem is, in the midst of the throes of sexual passion, it seems like such a great idea! If she can at least pretend she liked it, so much the better. I guess that's why porn of that sort of thing is so erotic, they can pretend to like it so well, even while snowballing to another woman. Ummm .... gotta go!
>>40
Again, I understand what you're saying about the possible risks, but isn't it sort of paranoid to assume the worst about everyone? I doubt that there are really very many people who would pull that kind of thing on someone, especially not on a committed partner.
In my opinion, the best thing to do would be to establish a relationship first before starting the kinky stuff. That way, both parties can hopefully get to know and trust each other beforehand, without the risk. Anyway, the OP seems to have that sort of relationship with her boyfriend, so I wouldn't worry about them too much.
>>42
You may be right that there aren't all that many. Thing is it only takes one and you're fucked for all time. And you are probably right about the OP and her BF in this particular case. Still, there is safety in paranoia.
I have the same problem as the boyfriend
I love abusing 2D girls but 3D is almost impossible even when she wants it
Am I the only person that thinks that she's lucky enough to have found a boyfriend who will participate in rape play, choking and cutting? You can't have everything.
Will he spank you or anything along those lines? If you perhaps build things slowly at first then it will make it easier for him to do the harder stuff you want later.
However it can also be very difficult for someone who was the victim of abuse to later do similar things to another person even when they ask for it. It's a fine line that you have to straddle.
Don't push him too hard or as others have said he may simply leave. Go slow and see how far he can bring himself to go.
Buy him a mallet and make him smash your boobs till they drip blood from the nipples.
Dump him and go out with me. I'll beat you till you are seeing doubles.
What the FUCK? Just tell him he shouldn't be such a pussy and you want to get fucked AND fucked up for good... And if he can't give it to you you'll just go off and get screwed by the first hardcore pimp in your way. This is an obvious lie but you hurt his feelings just enough to earn a bigger slap. ;P
>>50
I think he is not a pussy and no need to insult him.
i would newer hurt anyone, bit is she asked me for that then its another deal. it would be fun to invent and try some torture devices.
I have had these very similar problems!
There really is no "Quick" way I've found to fix it,
but the closest I've gotten -
simply start with light hitting, and then when they try that, I play it up how so crazy turned on I am, so that they see I really really like it, and that makes them feel safer about doing it harder -
and when they do do it harder, I encourage them by showing my enjoyment.
I do believe that there needs to be a streak of "sadism" or "dominance" in people at times, but through experience I've also come to find that it is also common that many people harbor a sort of dormant thing and can grow to like it more and more the more they experience good things from it.
I really think, looking back even myself it was pretty "light" play but as I did more I had to have more and it's escalated - same for my partners which have almost always been people that I had to introduce it to.
1) Steal a beaten woman's boyfriend (or husband).
2) Dump your former sweet, loving boyfriend.
3) Make sure the poor woman meets up and falls in love with him.
4) ???
5) HAPPY END!
I really, REALLY hope that wasn't the whole story when he said he thought it was immoral to hit women, because that's outrageously sexist.
>>1
There may be issues he is concerned about regarding rumors, accusations, and possibly charges of spousal abuse. Choking is one thing, but leaving a bruise that police can photograph as evidence is another.
Are there any trust issues that you know of between you both? If not, he may just be worried that a coworker might see bruises and call the local "human services" on your behalf, to get you taken away from your "abusive" boyfriend.
I'd recommend that since you don't know what it is that holds him back, the best person - the single best person, at that - to talk to would be him. That also helps to build the above; he then knows you are wanting to trust him as much as you want him to trust you.
>>50
Shut up, asscrap. That sort of nonintelligence does nothing to help her. Period.
Probably was, and if so I should introduce him to my old hand-to-hand instructor. She would rip that out of him and leave it dying in the sun.
pepper i would say you have to compromise with him. if you love him you will. like how i have given up hope in bringing another guy into my relationship with him. apparently i can have a girl at some point now which is a step up from before. so you just have to make some sacrifices. that is what relationships are all about ^_^
Pepper, if you're still around, shoot me an email. I'd love to hear how things are going. Use my name on here @yahoo.com
Pepper, why not catch him on a bad day n irritate him, or place inscene that would get him fired-up or angry. does he get angry?
